I really, really, miss my Mom.
I know that sounds like a maba who's experiencing their first week away from home but this is just so different.
I really miss my parents. Both of them. I feel like, I want to skip this whole fucking thing and
you know,
I just can't wait to treat them better. I want to take off those weight of taking care of me in their shoulders. I want to make them happy. I just want to thank them, really thank them. I don't want to make them another hard time. I feel bad. I want them happy.
I want them happy.
I miss my Dad, the one who dropped me to school everyday back when I was a kid. I stood in the front of his Vespa, between his arms, feeling the wind brushing my hair while eyes wandering through the city.
I remember back then when he bought me snacks before the class started, so I could eat them during the school. I remember him leaving me in class because he had a work to do while every other kid had their parents watching them through the class windows. I remember when he once told me he would gone literally crazy if I was never found when I got lost in a big mall when we were visiting Jakarta. I was just a kid when he told me that. That was the day when I realized that, I meant that much. I didn't know before. I didn't know.
I remember when my dad told me to not joining the marching band at school. He told me he was afraid if I get tired. He was worried.
I remember being left at school, but it was my dad who told me I can do it, that I was so fearless.
I remember trying to be brave even though I didn't have a lunch box plus parents who feed their kids while they were playing in the playground during the break time of school. I ate by myself, bravery.
I remember I didn't get along much with my friends. I remember myself sitting on a swing in the corner by myself and there was this kid trying to talk to me but I didn't respond much so they just gave up.
I was really quiet. I just realized now, I was really weird. I didn't have much friends, I didn't go to school marching band when every other kid did. I didn't have my parents look out for me in the school. I cried only once. Once. It was my coloring pencil box, missing. That was only it. While other kids, well, there was always someone who cried at the class. Every day, but not me. Except that day when I lose my coloring pencil box. The one my parents bought for me. The very best one. I lost it. But my teacher gave the new one, it wasn't the same. It wasn't that good.
My parents. They always pick the best for me.
I really miss my mother. The strong woman I wasn't really close to, back then. She was always busy. She came home in the evening when I was playing with my friends. We rarely played together. When I was a little kid, my Mom made me a bottle of milk to get me to sleep but I refused it. I want my Dad's one. Now, I think about it, it was pretty bad. I shouldn't have done it. My Mom always gave me the best. That was the best chocolate milk.
I wasn't really close to her, I remember I was really kind of awkward to her. We rarely talked. She was busy. She worked all day. She was tired. I didn't understand that but, luckily I wasn't that difficult. I was a good little girl, I obeyed my parents. I didn't go play outside so far, so I wouldn't worry my parents. I didn't play in the rain, so I wouldn't get sick, so my parents wouldn't be worried. I only once, played in the rain. It was really fun. I had to sneak in the house without my Mom knowing it so she wouldn't be worried seeing me soaked the rain.
I wasn't really close to my Mom, but I remember that day.
When she was on a day off of work, she told me a story. A bedtime story, except it was daylight. My mom tried to get me to a nap. I didn't really like taking a nap, but she promised me to tell me a story. And she did. It was a wonderful story. I liked it. I really loved it. I remember she used her hands to make the scenes. It was like seeing a good show at a theater. She was a good story teller.
I wasn't sleep that day.
I wasn't. I wanted to hear her stories all day long.
I am really close to my Mom. She's my best friend. My idol, my hero. I love her so much, I just can't wait to make her happy. To do what she always did to me. To give her the best.
I am really close to my Dad. He's my king. My superman. Though I sometimes have a different perspective with him, that's not a problem. We argue a lot. But I'll always try to be a good girl to him, to them. I want to make him happy. I want to give up my priorities to put his first. Just like how he always does. Just like how they always do.
I love them. I miss them.
If I had a chance to pick who my parents would be and be born all over again,
I'll always still choose them.
